Bringing Baby Home: A Guide to the Gottman Program

Bringing Baby Home (BBH) is a research-based program developed by the Gottman Institute that helps couples strengthen their relationship during the transition to parenthood. Based on decades of Dr. John Gottman's research, BBH addresses a striking finding: 67% of couples experience a significant decline in relationship satisfaction after their first baby arrives. The program teaches four key skills — building friendship, managing conflict, supporting the baby's development, and creating shared meaning — through workshops led by trained Bringing Baby Home Educators. BBH is available as a two-day weekend workshop, and finding a trained educator is the best way to access the program.

Key Takeaways

• 67% of couples see their relationship suffer after a baby. Gottman's longitudinal research found that two-thirds of couples experience a significant drop in relationship satisfaction within three years of their first child's birth. BBH was designed to prevent that.
• BBH focuses on your relationship as the foundation for parenting. Unlike prenatal classes that teach diapering and feeding, this program teaches you how to fight fair, stay connected, and support each other through the chaos of new parenthood.
• The program covers four core areas. Strengthening friendship, managing conflict, supporting baby's development, and creating shared meaning as a new family.
• There is no public BBH educator directory. This is the biggest barrier for parents. The Gottman Institute does not maintain a searchable list of BBH educators, so finding one takes some legwork.
• BBH works best as prevention, not crisis intervention. The ideal time to take the workshop is during pregnancy or within the first three months postpartum.

What Is the Bringing Baby Home Program?

Here's something no one tells you in birthing class: the biggest threat to your family in the first year isn't sleep deprivation or diaper blowouts. It's what happens to your relationship.

According to Gottman's research, 67% of couples experience a significant decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years after a baby arrives — the Bringing Baby Home program was designed to prevent that decline.

BBH was developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman at the Gottman Institute, the same organization behind the bestselling book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The program grew out of decades of research at the University of Washington's "Love Lab," where the Gottmans studied thousands of couples to understand what makes relationships work — and what makes them fall apart.

The format is straightforward. A trained BBH Educator leads a group of couples through a two-day weekend workshop (typically 12-16 hours total). Some educators also offer the material in shorter formats, like a six-week evening series or virtual sessions. But the core content stays the same regardless of the delivery method.

Bringing Baby Home is one of the few parenting programs that focuses on the couple's relationship as the foundation for effective parenting, rather than teaching child-rearing techniques directly. That distinction matters more than you'd think.

Why This Program Exists — The Research

The 67% statistic isn't a guess. It comes from Gottman's longitudinal studies, which followed couples from their wedding day through the early years of parenthood, tracking how their relationship quality changed over time.

What the researchers found was sobering. Most couples experienced a sharp drop in marital satisfaction. They argued more. They felt less connected. They became co-managers of a tiny human rather than romantic partners. And that decline affected everything — parenting quality, the baby's attachment security, and long-term family stability.

But not everyone struggled equally. About 33% of couples maintained or improved their satisfaction. When the Gottmans studied this group, they found specific patterns: these couples kept friendship rituals alive, managed conflict without contempt, and actively supported each other's transition into parenthood.

The insight was simple but powerful: the thriving couples weren't lucky. They were doing specific things that could be taught. BBH was built to teach those skills to every couple, not just the ones who figured them out naturally.

The key research behind the program includes Shapiro and Gottman's 2005 study on the effects of psycho-communicative-educational intervention during the transition to parenthood, published in the Journal of Family Communication. That study showed measurable improvements in relationship quality for couples who participated in the program.

What You Learn in BBH

The workshop covers four core modules. Each one builds on the last, and together they give you a practical toolkit for keeping your relationship strong while you're both running on three hours of sleep.

1. Strengthening Your Friendship

This isn't about scheduling a weekly date night (though that helps). It's about the small moments — what Gottman calls "bids for connection." A bid is any attempt to get your partner's attention, affection, or support. It can be as simple as saying "Look at what the baby just did" or "I had a rough day."

The research shows that couples who "turn toward" each other's bids at least 86% of the time have significantly stronger relationships. Couples who "turn away" — by ignoring the bid, scrolling their phone, or brushing it off — erode their friendship over time. When you're both exhausted from 3am feedings, those micro-connections matter more than a fancy dinner out.

You'll also work on keeping fondness and admiration alive. It sounds basic, but when you haven't showered in two days and your partner forgot to buy diapers again, remembering what you actually like about this person takes intentional effort.

2. Managing Conflict Constructively

Every couple argues. The question is how. Gottman's research identified four communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown — he calls them the "Four Horsemen": criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. BBH teaches the antidote to each one.

You'll learn "softened startup," which is how to raise an issue without your partner immediately going on the defensive. Instead of "You never help with the baby at night," a softened startup sounds like "I'm really exhausted from the night feedings. Can we figure out a way to share them?"

You'll also practice repair attempts — the things you say or do mid-argument to de-escalate. A repair attempt might be humor, an apology, or simply saying "I think we're getting off track."

And the program addresses the new conflicts that parenthood creates: who does what around the house, how to handle in-law boundaries, what to do when you and your partner have completely different ideas about sleep training or screen time.

3. Supporting Your Baby's Development

This module shifts focus to the baby. You'll learn about emotion coaching — how to help your infant or toddler begin to understand and manage their feelings. Yes, even babies benefit from this.

The section covers reading your baby's cues (what different cries mean, signs of overstimulation, temperament differences), and it emphasizes co-parenting as a team. That means presenting a united front, backing each other up, and resisting the urge to correct your partner's parenting in the moment. If you've ever said "That's not how you hold the bottle" in a tone that wasn't exactly supportive, this module is for you.

4. Creating Shared Meaning

This is the big-picture module. It asks: what kind of family do you want to be? What rituals do you want to build? What values matter most to you as parents?

Some of this is concrete — maybe you want Sunday morning pancakes to be a family tradition, or you want bedtime to always include reading together. Some of it is deeper — talking about your own childhoods, what you want to carry forward, and what you want to do differently.

Unlike most new parent classes that focus on diapering and feeding, BBH addresses the emotional infrastructure of your relationship — how to fight fair, stay connected, and support each other through sleep deprivation and role changes.

Who Is BBH For?

The short answer: any couple bringing a new baby into their home. But some specifics help.

Ideal timing is during pregnancy. The third trimester is the sweet spot. You're past the early uncertainty, you have a few months before the baby arrives, and you can actually focus on learning without a newborn in your arms. That said, BBH is still valuable for couples with children up to age 3 who are in the thick of the transition.

It's designed for all kinds of families. Same-sex couples, adoptive parents, blended families — the core relationship skills apply across the board. The program is inclusive, and good educators adapt the material to fit the couples in the room.

Singles can benefit too. While the couples exercises won't fully apply, the emotion coaching and baby development modules are valuable for any parent. Some educators are open to single parents attending and adapting the activities accordingly.

It's not a substitute for couples therapy. This is worth saying clearly. If your relationship is in crisis — if there's active contempt, emotional abuse, or one partner has already checked out — BBH is not the right starting point. The program is designed as prevention, not intervention. A couples therapist is the better first step, and BBH can complement therapy later. For more on the difference, read our breakdown of coaching vs therapy.

How to Find a BBH Educator

This is where things get frustrating. And honestly, it's the reason we wrote this article.

The Gottman Institute does not maintain a publicly searchable directory of Bringing Baby Home educators. If you've been Googling "bringing baby home workshop near me" and hitting dead ends, you're not alone. It's a real gap. The program has trained thousands of educators, but there's no central place to look them up.

So what can you do? Here are the best options:

1. Check the Gottman Institute website. They occasionally list upcoming workshops on their events page. It's not comprehensive, but it's the official source.

2. Search for coaches who list BBH in their credentials. Many parenting coaches and family therapists who are trained in BBH mention it on their profiles. Look for it under certifications or training. Our guide on parenting coach certifications explains what different credentials mean.

3. Ask your OB/GYN, midwife, or birthing center. Medical providers who work with expecting families sometimes know local BBH educators. Your hospital's childbirth education department is another good place to ask.

4. Check platforms where coaches list their certifications. Directories like The Parenting Passport allow coaches to specify their training, which can help you find someone with BBH credentials specifically.

The lack of a directory is a genuine problem. A trained BBH educator near you might exist but be essentially invisible online. Don't be afraid to call your local family therapy practices and ask directly — many therapists are trained in BBH but don't advertise it prominently.

BBH vs Other New Parent Resources

If you're expecting, the number of classes, programs, and professionals available can feel overwhelming. Here's how BBH compares to other common resources:

Resource	Focus	Format	Who Leads It
Bringing Baby Home	Couple's relationship + baby	2-day workshop	Trained BBH Educator
Prenatal / Lamaze class	Birth preparation	Multi-week class	Childbirth educator
Postpartum doula	Practical newborn support	Home visits	Certified doula
Couples therapy	Relationship issues	Ongoing sessions	LMFT / therapist
Parenting coach	Parenting skills + challenges	Ongoing sessions	Certified coach
Newborn care class	Baby care basics	Single class	Hospital / nurse

The key difference? Most resources focus on either the baby (prenatal class, doula, newborn care) or the relationship (couples therapy). BBH is one of the few that integrates both — treating your relationship as a parenting skill in itself.

A prenatal class teaches you how to bathe the baby. BBH teaches you how to not resent your partner while you're both figuring out how to bathe the baby at 11pm for the third time this week.

What to Expect from a BBH Workshop

If you've signed up (or you're thinking about it), here's what the experience actually looks like.

The schedule. Most BBH workshops run over a weekend — Saturday and Sunday, roughly 6-8 hours each day. Some educators break it into shorter evening sessions across several weeks instead. Total instruction time is usually 12-16 hours.

The format. It's a mix of short lectures, couple exercises, and small group discussions. You won't be sitting in a conference room listening to a PowerPoint for two days. The exercises are interactive — you and your partner practice the tools together in real time.

The tools you'll take home. Softened startup scripts for tough conversations. Repair attempt strategies for mid-argument de-escalation. Emotion coaching techniques for your baby. Daily rituals to keep your friendship alive when life gets chaotic.

Homework. Most educators assign practice activities between sessions (or after the workshop). These are designed to help you apply what you learned when you're back in the real world — which, let's be honest, is where the hard part happens.

Follow-up. Some educators offer one or two check-in sessions after the workshop. These can be incredibly helpful for troubleshooting, especially once the baby arrives and everything you learned gets tested by reality.

Cost. Group workshops typically run $200-$500 per couple. Private sessions cost more. Some insurance plans cover BBH as a preventive health program — it's worth calling your provider to ask. And if cost is a barrier, some educators offer sliding scale fees.

When to Consider a Parenting Coach for the Newborn Phase

BBH gives you a strong foundation, but it's a one-time workshop. The newborn phase lasts months, and the challenges evolve fast. What works at week two (surviving) looks different from what you need at month four (establishing routines) or month nine (managing separation anxiety while going back to work).

That's where ongoing coaching comes in. A parenting coach who specializes in the newborn and infant phase can help with the specific, ever-changing challenges you face: sleep routines that actually work for your baby's temperament, feeding struggles, managing well-meaning but overwhelming visitors, figuring out the return-to-work transition, and — yes — maintaining your relationship through all of it.

Many coaches who work with new parents are trained in BBH and other evidence-based approaches. They can reinforce what you learned in the workshop while helping you adapt it to your specific situation. If you're not sure what a parenting coach does, think of it as ongoing, personalized support focused on practical skills — not therapy, not advice from your mother-in-law, but structured help from a trained professional.

Coaching during the newborn phase is preventive. It's a lot easier to fix a sleep association at 4 months than at 18 months. And it's a lot easier to repair a communication breakdown with your partner after one bad week than after six months of simmering resentment.

Frequently Asked Questions

When is the best time to take the Bringing Baby Home workshop?

During pregnancy is ideal — specifically the third trimester, when the baby feels real but you still have the bandwidth to focus on learning. That said, the program is designed for parents with children up to age 3, so it's never too late if your baby is already here. Some couples take it after their second or third child, when they recognize that the transition hit their relationship harder than they expected.

Can I do BBH online?

Some educators offer virtual workshops, especially since 2020 expanded remote options across the board. The format works reasonably well on video — the couple exercises happen between you and your partner in your own home, which can actually feel more comfortable than practicing in a room full of strangers. Check with individual educators for availability in your area.

Do both partners need to attend?

Ideally, yes. The exercises are designed for couples, and the biggest gains come from both partners learning the same tools and language at the same time. But one partner attending alone is still worthwhile — you'll learn useful skills for emotion coaching, conflict management, and staying connected. You just won't get to practice the couples exercises in real time.

Is BBH covered by insurance?

It depends on your plan. Some insurance providers cover BBH as a preventive health or wellness program. Ask your insurance company directly, and also check with the BBH educator — some are set up to provide documentation that makes reimbursement easier. FSA and HSA funds may also apply, depending on your plan's rules.

What if we're already struggling in our relationship?

BBH is designed as a prevention program, not a crisis intervention. If your relationship is in serious distress — frequent blowup arguments, emotional withdrawal, contempt, or talk of separation — couples therapy is a better first step. A licensed therapist can help stabilize the relationship, and then BBH can build on that foundation. There's no shame in starting with therapy. It's the responsible move.

Is BBH only for first-time parents?

Not at all. Couples adding a second, third, or fourth child also experience relationship strain during the transition. In some ways, the pressure is greater — you're managing the new baby's needs alongside an older child's adjustment, and the division-of-labor conflicts get more intense. BBH applies to any couple bringing a new baby into their family.

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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. If you or your child are experiencing a mental health crisis, contact your healthcare provider or call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Sources:

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
• Shapiro, A. F., & Gottman, J. M. (2005). Effects on Marriage of a Psycho-Communicative-Educational Intervention With Couples Undergoing the Transition to Parenthood. Journal of Family Communication, 5(1), 1-24.
• Gottman, J. M. (2011). And Baby Makes Three. Crown Publishing.
• Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Bringing Baby Home. https://www.gottman.com/bringing-baby-home-for-parents/