Collaborative Problem Solving: A Guide to the CPS Method

Collaborative Problem Solving is a method developed by Dr. Ross Greene, formerly of Harvard Medical School, built on a single idea: kids do well if they can. When children act out -- throw things, refuse homework, melt down at dinner -- they are not choosing to be difficult. They lack the skills to handle the situation differently. The method, now officially called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), replaces punishment and rewards with a structured three-step conversation called Plan B, where parent and child work together to solve the problems that keep coming up. It has been used successfully with families, schools, and even juvenile detention centers.

Key Takeaways

• CPS is built on the belief that challenging behavior comes from lagging skills, not bad motivation -- and that punishing a child for skills they have not developed yet does not build those skills.
• The method centers on Plan B, a three-step conversation: understand the child's concern, share the adult's concern, and brainstorm a solution together.
• The ALSUP (Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems) is a free tool that helps parents identify which skills their child is missing and which problems to tackle first.
• CPS is especially effective for neurodivergent children -- those with ADHD, autism, or ODD -- because it addresses the skill gaps behind the behavior rather than demanding compliance.
• Learning CPS takes practice and patience. It is not a quick fix, but families who stick with it often see lasting changes in both behavior and the parent-child relationship.

What Is Collaborative Problem Solving?

Dr. Ross Greene is a clinical psychologist who spent years working with children labeled "explosive," "oppositional," and "defiant" -- kids that traditional discipline was failing. In 1998, he published The Explosive Child, which introduced a fundamentally different way of thinking about challenging behavior. Instead of asking "How do I make this kid comply?" Greene asked "Why is this kid struggling, and what skills does he need?"

The approach was originally called Collaborative Problem Solving. Greene later renamed it Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) to emphasize that the best time to solve a recurring problem is before it happens again -- not in the heat of the moment. He founded the nonprofit Lives in the Balance to make the model freely available to families, schools, and treatment facilities.

The core difference between CPS and traditional discipline is this:

• Traditional discipline assumes the child knows what is expected and is choosing not to do it. The solution is motivation -- rewards if the child complies, consequences if they do not.
• CPS assumes the child would do well if they could. The solution is identifying what skills are lagging and solving the problems that demand those skills collaboratively.

"Collaborative Problem Solving starts with a shift in mindset: children who behave badly aren't choosing to be difficult -- they're stuck because they lack the skills to respond differently."

This is not a soft or permissive approach. CPS holds children accountable -- but it holds them accountable for participating in the process of solving problems, not for simply obeying commands they may not have the capacity to follow.

The Philosophy Behind CPS -- "Kids Do Well If They Can"

Most discipline systems rest on the belief that "kids do well if they want to." If a child is misbehaving, they need stronger motivation -- a bigger reward, a harsher consequence. Greene rejects this entirely. His position, supported by research in developmental psychology and neuroscience, is that children who are struggling are already motivated to do well. What they lack are specific cognitive skills.

Greene identifies several categories of lagging skills that commonly drive challenging behavior:

• Flexibility and adaptability -- difficulty shifting from one task or expectation to another
• Frustration tolerance -- becoming overwhelmed quickly when things do not go as expected
• Problem-solving -- trouble thinking through solutions when a problem comes up
• Emotional regulation -- difficulty managing strong feelings like anger, anxiety, or disappointment
• Communication -- struggling to put concerns, needs, or feelings into words

When you see a child through this lens, the behavior starts to make sense. The 8-year-old who flips the board game is not a sore loser -- she lacks the flexibility to handle an unexpected outcome. The 6-year-old who screams when asked to stop playing is not being defiant -- he has difficulty transitioning between activities.

This perspective is especially relevant for children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and learning disabilities. These children often face skill gaps that are invisible -- they can look capable in calm moments but fall apart when demands outstrip their abilities. Punishing a child for a skill they have not developed is like punishing them for not being able to read before anyone has taught them.

If you are interested in how different parenting philosophies approach discipline, our post on parenting styles and the research behind them provides useful context.

The ALSUP -- Identifying Your Child's Lagging Skills

Before you can solve problems collaboratively, you need to know which problems to solve and which skills your child is missing. That is where the ALSUP comes in -- the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems.

The ALSUP is a free tool available at livesinthebalance.org. It has two parts:

1. Lagging Skills -- a checklist of cognitive skills (like the ones listed above) that you review to identify which ones your child has not fully developed.
2. Unsolved Problems -- a list of specific, predictable situations where challenging behavior keeps happening. These are written as expectations your child is having difficulty meeting, like "Difficulty getting started on homework after school" or "Difficulty sharing toys with younger sibling."

The ALSUP is not a diagnosis. It does not tell you what is "wrong" with your child. It is a practical sorting tool that helps you figure out where to focus your energy.

Here is the part most parents find relieving: you do not have to solve every problem at once. Most families start the ALSUP and realize they have 30 to 50 unsolved problems on their list. Greene recommends picking just two or three to work on first. The rest go on the back burner -- not ignored permanently, but deliberately set aside so you can make real progress on the problems that matter most.

This triage approach is one of the most practical things about CPS. It gives you permission to stop fighting every battle and focus on the ones where progress is actually possible right now.

The 3 Plans -- A, B, and C

CPS organizes all adult responses to unsolved problems into three categories:

Plan A -- Impose the Adult's Will

Plan A is what most parents default to: the adult decides what the solution is and imposes it. "You are doing your homework now. End of discussion." Plan A works when a child has the skills to meet the expectation and simply needs a clear directive -- or in genuine safety emergencies. But for children with lagging skills, Plan A tends to produce exactly the explosive behavior parents are trying to avoid. The child cannot meet the demand, the adult pushes harder, and the situation escalates.

Plan B -- Solve the Problem Collaboratively

Plan B is the heart of CPS. It is a structured conversation where the adult and child work together to understand a problem and find a solution that works for both of them. Plan B is not giving in to the child. It is not negotiation where the loudest voice wins. It is a genuine collaborative process with three specific steps (detailed in the next section).

Plan B can be done proactively -- brought up during a calm moment, before the problem happens again -- or in the moment when a problem is actively occurring. Proactive Plan B tends to work better because both people are calmer and can think more clearly.

Plan C -- Drop It for Now

Plan C means intentionally setting an expectation aside -- not because you are giving up, but because you are making a strategic decision about where to spend your energy. If homework, tooth-brushing, and screen time are all battlegrounds, you might use Plan B on homework, keep Plan A for tooth-brushing (non-negotiable health), and temporarily drop the screen time battle with Plan C so you are not fighting on three fronts at once.

Plan C is not permanent. It is triage. Once you have made progress on your Plan B priorities, you can move a Plan C problem up to Plan B.

How Plan B Works -- The 3 Steps

Let us walk through Plan B with a running example. Imagine you have a 7-year-old who refuses to do homework every evening. There is yelling, tears, and sometimes thrown pencils. You have tried rewards (sticker charts), consequences (no screen time until homework is done), and pleading. Nothing has worked.

Here is how Plan B addresses this problem:

Step 1: The Empathy Step

The goal here is to understand your child's concern about the unsolved problem. Not your concern -- theirs. You do this by making an observation and then asking, with genuine curiosity.

Example: "I've noticed that getting started on homework after school has been really hard. What's up?"

Then you listen. Not to fix, not to argue, not to explain why homework matters. Just to understand. Your child might say "It's boring" or "My brain is tired" or "I don't understand the math." Each of these is a different concern that leads to a different solution.

The Empathy Step often takes the longest, especially at first. Many children are not used to being asked what is going on -- they are used to being told what to do. You may need to ask follow-up questions: "Say more about that," "What do you mean by boring -- all of it or certain parts?" "When you say your brain is tired, what does that feel like?"

The Empathy Step is not complete until you have a clear, specific understanding of your child's concern.

Step 2: Define the Adult Concerns

Once you understand your child's concern, you share yours. This is not a lecture. It is a brief, honest statement about why this problem matters to you.

Example: "The thing is, I worry that if you fall behind on homework, your teacher won't know what you need help with, and it'll pile up and feel even harder. I also want our evenings to feel calmer for both of us."

Notice the adult concerns are real and specific -- not "because I said so" and not "because homework is important." You are giving your child information about why you care, which helps them understand this is not about power.

Step 3: The Invitation

Now comes the collaborative part. You invite your child to brainstorm a solution that addresses both concerns -- theirs and yours.

Example: "I wonder if we can figure out a plan that makes homework feel less overwhelming for you and still gets it done so your teacher knows where you are. Do you have any ideas?"

"The core of CPS is Plan B, a three-step conversation where you listen to your child's concern, share yours, and work together on a solution that addresses both."

The first solution your child suggests might not work. That is fine. You can say "I hear you, but I'm not sure that addresses my concern about ___. What else could we try?" The goal is a mutually satisfactory solution -- one that genuinely works for both of you. Not a compromise where both people are unhappy, but a creative solution neither of you might have thought of alone.

In this homework example, the solution might be: "I'll do homework after I have a snack and 20 minutes to play, and I'll start with the subject I like best." That addresses the child's concern (brain is tired, needs a break) and the adult's concern (homework gets done consistently).

The solution does not have to be perfect. It just has to be worth trying. If it does not work, you run Plan B again with new information about what went wrong.

CPS vs. Traditional Discipline vs. Gentle Parenting

If you have been reading about different parenting approaches, you may be wondering how CPS compares to traditional discipline and gentle parenting. Here is a side-by-side look:

Dimension	Traditional Discipline	Gentle Parenting	CPS
Core belief	Kids do well if they want to	Kids need connection and boundaries	Kids do well if they can
View of misbehavior	Choice or defiance	Unmet need or overwhelm	Lagging skill
Primary tool	Consequences and rewards	Empathy + firm boundaries	Plan B conversation
Adult role	Authority figure	Empathetic guide	Collaborative partner
Focus	Compliance	Relationship + behavior	Solving specific problems
Handles strong emotions by	Punishing the behavior	Validating the feeling, holding the limit	Understanding the concern behind the behavior
Best suited for	Children who respond to structure	Most children and ages	Children with lagging skills, neurodivergent children
Biggest risk	Damages relationship, misses skill gaps	Can drift into permissiveness if boundaries drop	Takes time, requires patience and practice

These approaches are not mutually exclusive. Many families blend gentle parenting's emphasis on empathy and respect with CPS's structured problem-solving process. If you are curious about where you fall, our parenting style quiz can help you reflect, and our guide to modern parenting styles covers additional approaches.

Why CPS Works Well for Neurodivergent Children

CPS has become one of the most widely recommended approaches for families raising children with ADHD, autism spectrum conditions, and what is often diagnosed as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Here is why.

Traditional consequences depend on a child being able to do the following: remember the rule, control the impulse, manage the emotion, and choose differently in the moment. For many neurodivergent children, one or more of these steps is genuinely difficult -- not because they do not care, but because their brain processes information differently.

When traditional discipline fails, the usual response is to make consequences bigger. Take away more screen time. Add longer time-outs. Ground them for a week instead of a day. For a child whose brain cannot consistently perform the steps required for compliance, escalating consequences does not teach skills -- it teaches the child that they are a failure.

"CPS has been used in schools, psychiatric hospitals, and juvenile detention centers, making it one of the few parenting approaches with evidence across clinical, educational, and home settings."

The ALSUP reframes the conversation from "What is wrong with this child?" to "What skills does this child need to develop?" This shift is often a relief for both parents and children. Research by Greene and colleagues (2004), published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, found that CPS was as effective as behavioral parent training for reducing oppositional behavior in children with ODD -- and parents reported that the collaborative approach felt more respectful and sustainable.

A study by Martin and colleagues (2008), published in Psychiatric Services, found that implementing CPS in a residential psychiatric facility reduced the use of physical restraints by 97% and seclusion by 63%. These were some of the most challenging children in the system, and the approach still worked -- because it addressed the skills behind the behavior rather than trying to overpower it.

If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or ODD, or if you suspect they may be neurodivergent, CPS offers a framework that respects their differences while still holding them accountable for participating in solutions. Our post on what a parenting coach does explains how coaches can support families working with specific approaches like CPS.

When to Work with a Parenting Coach on CPS

CPS is straightforward in concept but takes real practice to execute well. A parenting coach who understands the CPS model can make a significant difference in how quickly and effectively you learn it. Here is what a coach can help with:

• Completing the ALSUP -- A coach walks you through the assessment, helps you identify which lagging skills are driving your child's behavior, and helps you prioritize which unsolved problems to tackle first.
• Role-playing Plan B -- Before trying Plan B with your child, you can practice the conversation with your coach. This is especially helpful for Step 1 (the Empathy Step), which is harder than it sounds when your child is saying something that triggers you.
• Troubleshooting when Plan B stalls -- Sometimes the conversation goes sideways. Your child shuts down, or you slip into lecturing, or the solution you agreed on does not work. A coach helps you figure out what went wrong and adjust.
• Staying consistent -- Like any new skill, CPS gets harder before it gets easier. A coach provides accountability and encouragement through the messy middle when it feels like nothing is working.
• Adapting for neurodivergence -- If your child has ADHD, autism, or other differences, a coach can help you modify the timing, language, and structure of Plan B to match your child's processing style.

Working with a coach is especially valuable when:

• You have read The Explosive Child but are not sure how to apply it to your specific child
• Your child's behavior is affecting siblings, school, or your own mental health
• You and your co-parent disagree on discipline approaches
• Traditional methods have failed and you are feeling stuck or burned out

If you are considering a shift in your overall approach, our guide on how to change your parenting style offers practical steps for making that transition.

Frequently Asked Questions

At what age can I start using CPS?

Plan B requires a child to be able to participate in a conversation, so most families start using it around age 4 or 5. For younger children, the ALSUP is still useful for identifying lagging skills, and parents can adapt Plan B with simpler language and visual supports. The approach works through adolescence and even into adulthood -- Greene has used it successfully with teenagers and young adults.

Is CPS the same as giving in to my child?

No. Plan B requires the solution to address the adult's concerns too, not just the child's. If your child's idea does not address your concern, you say so and keep brainstorming. The process is collaborative, not permissive. The difference between Plan B and giving in is that giving in drops the adult's concern entirely. Plan B keeps it on the table.

How long does it take to see results with CPS?

Some families notice a shift in the first week -- not because the behavior has changed, but because the child responds differently to being asked "What's up?" instead of being told what to do. Lasting behavior change typically takes weeks to months of consistent practice. Greene is honest that CPS is not a quick fix; it is a long-term investment in your child's skill development.

Can CPS work alongside other approaches like gentle parenting or positive discipline?

Yes. Many families combine CPS with gentle parenting principles or positive discipline tools. CPS is most distinctive in its structured Plan B conversation and its use of the ALSUP, which you can add to almost any parenting philosophy. The core belief -- kids do well if they can -- is compatible with most relationship-based approaches.

What if my child refuses to participate in Plan B?

This is common at the beginning, especially with older children who are used to power struggles. Greene recommends starting with easier, lower-stakes problems to build trust in the process. If your child is completely shut down, the Empathy Step might need to happen over several short conversations rather than one sit-down talk. Some children also respond better to writing or drawing their concerns rather than talking.

Does CPS work in schools?

Yes. Greene's model has been implemented in hundreds of schools across the U.S. and internationally. Teachers use the ALSUP and Plan B to address recurring behavioral challenges in the classroom. Research shows that schools using CPS see reductions in disciplinary referrals, suspensions, and the use of physical restraint. If your child is struggling at school, you can share CPS resources with their teacher or school counselor.

What is the difference between Collaborative Problem Solving and Collaborative & Proactive Solutions?

They are the same method. Greene originally called it Collaborative Problem Solving but later changed the name to Collaborative & Proactive Solutions to emphasize that problems should be solved proactively -- during calm moments -- rather than reactively during a crisis. The acronym CPS applies to both names.

My child has been diagnosed with ODD. Will CPS help?

CPS was developed specifically for children who would meet the criteria for ODD. Greene views ODD not as a disorder of motivation but as a description of what happens when a child with lagging skills faces demands they cannot meet. The ALSUP helps identify the specific skills your child needs, and Plan B gives you a structured way to build those skills while solving the problems that cause conflict. Research supports this approach for children with ODD (Greene et al., 2004).

A Different Way to See Your Child

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you have a child whose behavior has been called "difficult," "defiant," or "explosive." You may have tried sticker charts, time-outs, taking away privileges, and raising your voice -- and none of it has worked for long. You may be exhausted and wondering what you are doing wrong.

CPS offers a different starting point. Instead of asking "How do I make this child behave?" it asks "What is getting in this child's way?" That single shift -- from willfulness to skill -- changes everything. It does not mean your child gets a free pass. It does not mean you stop having expectations. It means you start solving problems with your child instead of doing things to them.

It takes practice. Plan B conversations will feel awkward at first. Your child may look at you suspiciously when you ask "What's up?" instead of issuing an ultimatum. You will slip back into Plan A more times than you would like. That is normal. The families who see the biggest changes are the ones who keep at it -- imperfectly, consistently, and with the belief that their child truly is doing the best they can with the skills they have right now.

If you need support along the way, a parenting coach can help you learn the method, practice the conversations, and stay the course when it gets hard. You can also take our parenting style quiz to reflect on your current approach and explore alternatives to yelling and strategies for toddler tantrums that align with collaborative, skill-based thinking.

Your child is not giving you a hard time. They are having a hard time. And now you have a method to help.

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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. Collaborative & Proactive Solutions is an evidence-based approach, but it is not a substitute for professional evaluation or treatment. If your child is in crisis or you have concerns about their development, consult a qualified healthcare professional.

Sources:

• Greene, R. W. (1998). The Explosive Child. HarperCollins.
• Greene, R. W., & Ablon, J. S. (2006). Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem-Solving Approach. Guilford Press.
• Greene, R. W., et al. (2004). Effectiveness of Collaborative Problem Solving in Affectively Dysregulated Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(6), 1157-1164.
• Lives in the Balance. livesinthebalance.org
• Martin, A., et al. (2008). Reduction of Restraint and Seclusion Through Collaborative Problem Solving. Psychiatric Services, 59(12), 1406-1412.